Yesterday I arrived home after 3 nights at V Festival in Stafford looking like I'd been locked in solitary confinement for 3 months. Don't get me wrong - I had a fab time with the loveliest people - but it's safe to say that I'm a girl who likes her creature comforts. Amongst all the fist-pumping/shouty singing, I picked up a few important lessons from my weekend in Weston Park (which I think probably apply to the majority of English festivals)so here they are:
2. Although the words 'mosh pit' conjure up images of heavy metal and nosebleeds, the English version tends to be more like a group of pre-pubescent boys politely bumping into each other whilst ferociously head-banging to Example.
3. Bum cheeks are the new black.
4. If you're feeling the cold, the most effective way to warm up is by going to a silent disco and doing the running man to Whitney Houston whilst everyone else is rapping to Tinie Tempah.
5. Never ever enter a port-a-loo without mentally preparing yourself for the horrors you will inevitably face. I wasn't ready; now I do a lot of rocking back and forth/staring into space whilst softly singing 'Everybody Hurts'.
6. Sometimes you'll be at the front of the crowd air punching for your life, sometimes you'll be half a mile away with a 7ft man mountain blocking your view of the tiny speck that everyone assures you is Lily Allen. That's just life.
7. Tents are all fun and games until you're having a wrestling match with the poles in torrential rain at 8am on Monday morning.
8. This is the only occasion where you can get away with wearing a poncho (apart from being on a log flume/in a small mountain village in Mexico), so make the most of it.
9. Do not name your future child Alan/Steve unless you want them to spend the rest of their life being shouted at by random drunk people from across a field.
10. Justin Timberlake is a living god. Fact.