10 things I learned at V festival 2014

Yesterday I arrived home after 3 nights at V Festival in Stafford looking like I'd been locked in solitary confinement for 3 months. Don't get me wrong - I had a fab time with the loveliest people - but it's safe to say that I'm a girl who likes her creature comforts. Amongst all the fist-pumping/shouty singing, I picked up a few important lessons from my weekend in Weston Park (which I think probably apply to the majority of English festivals)so here they are:

1. You can only buy one type of food at a festival, and that is the beige variety. Deal with it.

2. Although the words 'mosh pit' conjure up images of heavy metal and nosebleeds, the English version tends to be more like a group of pre-pubescent boys politely bumping into each other whilst ferociously head-banging to Example.

3. Bum cheeks are the new black.

4. If you're feeling the cold, the most effective way to warm up is by going to a silent disco and doing the running man to Whitney Houston whilst everyone else is rapping to Tinie Tempah.

5. Never ever enter a port-a-loo without mentally preparing yourself for the horrors you will inevitably face. I wasn't ready; now I do a lot of rocking back and forth/staring into space whilst softly singing 'Everybody Hurts'.

6. Sometimes you'll be at the front of the crowd air punching for your life, sometimes you'll be half a mile away with a 7ft man mountain blocking your view of the tiny speck that everyone assures you is Lily Allen. That's just life.

7. Tents are all fun and games until you're having a wrestling match with the poles in torrential rain at 8am on Monday morning.

8. This is the only occasion where you can get away with wearing a poncho (apart from being on a log flume/in a small mountain village in Mexico), so make the most of it.

9. Do not name your future child Alan/Steve unless you want them to spend the rest of their life being shouted at by random drunk people from across a field. 

10. Justin Timberlake is a living god. Fact.
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